Tuesday, August 14, 2007

It's 5:30 a.m.. I'm wide awake. And I'm unemployed

Awaking at such an early hour isn't such a problem when one has a job. It can actually be kind of nice. Get an early start on the day, finish up early and have time after work to do some extra things you've been meaning to.

But when you're unemployed, finding yourself awake so early well, sucks. Everything is still closed, it's still dark, there's nothing (worthwhile) on television and you can't call anyone. You're pretty much stuck with yourself. Which wouldn't be so bad, except...early morning tends to be the time I can't turn my brain off. Over and over it likes to ruminate worries, fears and other nasty tidbits I generally can't control, driving me crazy.

It's not that I'm not tired, I am, but it's almost like I'm too tired to not worry. It always ends up me against me -

Jen's brain "what if this? what if that? oh, my gosh what will I do?"
Jen's sense of reality "please, please, for the love of ----, shut up! You're being ridiculous!"
Jen's brain "okay.....but oh no! what about..?"
Jen's sense of reality "stop it. right. now."


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